My Family (With Pictures)

This blog is a video, of my family pictures from 1983 up until now! All of the pictures I have over the past 29 years are wayyyyy tooo many to put on here....So, A video instead with the ones I have on hand :) Enjoy!

I need to keep up on my Blogging :-/

Hey Y'all

Well, I haven't been feeling well for the last couple weeks,since I have ZERO motivation, don't feel like doing much of anything, I just think I'm to hard on myself and I need to keep the motivation up, even if I can't get the support that I would like to get from my family, I can try to do it myself. 

It's been about a week (or 2) since my last blog and I sincerely apologize! I hope everyone had a blessed Easter weekend and enjoyed time with their family and friends.  Our family had 2 weekends of Easter. On the 12th we went to the local Chinese Buffet with my husband's side of the family for dinner which was very nice. It's actually a somewhat quiet atmosphere where you can enjoy one another's company and BS among yourselves.  Our daughter got a goody bag from her grandma & grandpa, and I got some beautiful Hyacinth flowers from my brother and sister in law that I will be putting in my flower garden as soon as the weather breaks and I actually take some time to go out and design a peaceful memorial garden. There's not much you can do with what little space we have in a trailer park but I'll make it work :)  Then on the 20th we went to my grandma's (my brother and his fiance' had our daughter for the whole weekend for a early birthday.) Had some delicious home made food, (I didn't even get dessert I was so full) a relaxing quad ride with my husband and our daughter made out with 3 Easter baskets for the day! (my dad and his girlfriend, my brother and his fiance', and of course, us :) ) 

After we were done with our activities for the day, my dad had given us our old farm quad that has been sitting for 10 or 11 years to work on. We got it home and it started right up. I was extremely excited due to the fact that I wanted to go play in the mud for my birthday. HAHA, yeah, I was up to my hips in water in a creek riding this quad around having the time of my life! I took our daughter for a ride up and down the creek and she had a blast as well. Then it was my turn to take my husband for a spin on it, and let me tell you, he had to put his feet up on the fenders so he didn't get water in his boots.......my boots are soaked!! But we had a wonderful time spending time as a family doing what we love to do! Be outside, riding and getting muddy! 

Anyways, It's about time I stop here, I'll think of something else to blog about for tomorrow :)  Until then, 

My Weight Loss Journey......and some embarrassing photos (Maybe) ;)

This post is dedicated to all of the girls out there that think and say they "Can't do it". I was one of those girls, and now, I'm sharing my story with you. It all started in May of 2012 when my mom was life flighted to a Pittsburgh, PA hospital. (If you read my very first blog, you know my family story already). I decided to go to the doctor and have some things checked, just to make sure I was ok. Turns out, I was almost 200 lbs over weight (I was at 332 lbs) and had been diagnosed as pre-diabetic. My dr. gave me some medicine, that she said would make me feel better and I would eat less.  

                                                                  Me in 2011

 A few months went by and I didn't think I could do anything about my weight. My monthly cycle was out of balance, ( I was bleeding profusely for 3-4 months straight at one point). and I was so hard on myself about my body image and all I could hear was my mom in the back of my mind, cheering me on. So I finally started walking, eating way way way less that what I normally ate and started fun exercises on the Wii. I went back to the dr. about 4 months later (before Thanksgiving) And she had told me I had lost 132 lbs in total! I was in shock! I had went from a size 28 pants / 3xl shirts to a 18 pant/ xl shirt!!! I did all of this not only for myself, my health and my future, but for my mom. I always told her I could never accomplish anything in my life because nobody cared what I did or what I said. But, my mom was one of the Positive role models in my life that always told me I could do anything if I stuck to one thing at a time. (Which I'm still doing now)! I'm still at 132 lbs lost, and only have 40 lbs to go....my dr wants me down to 140 but I don't think I'll look right and I would feel more comfortable at 180-160 just for the simple fact that I want to go at my own pace and if I lose more weight after the 40 lbs, that would be fine too. My main goal is to lose all this excess skin by exercising, and possibly try for a baby. We've been "trying" for almost a year now, but I know when the time is right, it will happen. :)

                                                              Me in April of 2013


 To all those men and women out there that think they can't do what I have done; YOU CAN! I believe in each and every one of you! Put your heart and soul into doing what you can do, but don't overwork yourself and don't starve yourself either! It just makes for complications in the end.

                                               This was Feb 2014, during our kitchen remodel

If you have any suggestions on what you would like me to talk about in my next blog, leave me a comment or message me on Google+. Hope you enjoyed hearing about some of my journey, I didn't want to get into every trip to the er, dr, ect.....but just wanted to give some insight on how far I have come and how proud I am of myself. :) :) :)

Until next time,

In a crummy kind of mood.....

I haven't been feeling quite like myself lately. I feel like I have no energy at all, like I'm worthless. I try my best to do what I can for my husband, dad, brother and my step-daughter, but I feel like what I already do isn't enough for anyone. I have accomplished so much in the past 2 years and I'm thankful for that, but with bills, cleaning, laundry (ugh laundry), preparing meals, projects that have to be completed in the house (kitchen remodel is still underway again), mudding mowers that need to be built for the summer, my husband's truck we're working on, and trying to get to my weight loss goal of 160lbs - I have 40 to go....and I've hit a wall :( I think with all of the stress I have had for the past couple months is putting a toll on my body and I really don't like hospitals or doctors offices. I'm just scared that I'll find something horrible out and people would judge me because I have something else wrong with me. I was already diagnosed with anxiety, depression and type 2 diabetes....what will be next?!?!

I really don't want to talk about this next part, only for the fact that some people might be upset with me for talking about these people...Or they might actually read this. But it's my life, and blogging/writing about my feelings makes me feel so much better and takes so much off of my shoulders. So here I go.....

After my mom passed away, That was the last time I had seen or heard from her sister in Maine, her cousins, aunts, uncles and parents. I did however reconcile with my "grandmother" but not my "grandfather". ( I'll explain why I put that in quotations later on.) Thanksgiving night (9 months after my mom had passed) I gained the courage to call my "grandmother" since they had not contacted me or talked to me to see how they were and if I was welcome to come out for a vist. She accepted, and I did, a few days later. She didn't even seem happy/excited to see her own grand daughter at all. It was like I was a stranger. That was the very last time that I had seen my "grandmother". It's now 5 months later, quickly approaching my 29th birthday and this will be the 2nd birthday I haven't got to spend with my mom and the 2nd birthday that my mom's side of the family hasn't called, sent a card, ect. I know, it sounds weird, but my mom and I had a very special bond, and it brings me to tears that my "grandparents" pretty much abandoned my brother, dad and I after my mom passed away. If my mom was still alive, this wouldn't have happened.

I wrote my "grandparents" a 7 page letter explaining to them that I can't be the only one calling, writing, ect. The phone works both ways and so does snail mail, that this would be my last letter and communication to them since they have no interest in our lives and how we are doing, I don't think the letter was "harsh" and neither did my husband, but I sent it, and it actually made me feel good knowing that I spoke my mind and needed to get all of this stuff that was weighing me down off of my chest.

Now, the reason I put "grandparents", "grandmother" and "grandfather" in quotation marks is due to the fact that I really don't consider them my "grandparents" anymore. I know, some of you might be a little argumentative about that statement, but if you were in my shoes and knew what happened from the time my mom got rushed to the hospital to the day she passed away, you would probably feel the same. But I'm not posting all of that on here, because that is "family business" and I just wanted to post my feelings and my business on here for me to vent AND I already vented about family business in the letter I sent to them.

I hope my "grandparents" and other members of my mom's side have read that letter and actually have the decency to contact me via snail mail, phone, email ect. I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings by that letter, I just wanted to address some concerns I had that pretty much tore me to pieces. If not, life goes on, and so will I. But Until next time.... thank you for taking the time to read my blog and about my feelings. My next blog will be on my weight loss journey and the people that have helped me get to where I am now :)  Hope you all have a great weekend!

Mini (sort of) Bio about My family and myself :) 1st Blog! :)

Well, hello! Welcome to my Blogger page, all about my life and my ramblings! My name is Amanda. I was born on April 23,1985 in Washington Pennsylvania. I did however grow up in a small town outside of Washington called Canonsburg….The home of Perry Como and Sarris Candies!!! Anyways, I’m the daughter of 2 amazing parents. My dad Frank and my mom, Joyce. My brother, Travis is 3 years younger than me.  I was raised on a farm, with cows, pigs, goats, dogs, and my baby sheep Jake. We were a really tight knit family, we had our ups and downs, but we were always there for each other. My elementary and high school days were normal, had a few best friends, I wasn’t one of the popular kids, but I got along with everyone. I graduated high school in 2003, and had plans of being a computer networking major, I had applied to a few schools, in hopes of doing well for myself. I unfortunately had a serious case of pneumonia and had to drop out in 2005 due to being hospitalized. I worked several jobs, and then in 2008 I met someone, fell in love and got married in 2009. Well, that went to shit. He cheated, and I moved out, and filed for divorce in 2010. I moved back in with my parents, and found a job for a while. I ended up getting a viral infection in both of my eyes and had to be let go because of it. (I’m prone to getting sick!) I then found my calling with animals yet again in 2011. I was a receptionist for about a year and then started helping assist the vet techs and the vet in the operating room, and doing computer work as well. In may of 2012, my dad yelled up the stairs and I knew something was wrong. My mom was sitting, staring at us, not saying a word. I looked at her and I really started to panic. I told my dad to call 911, telling him that she’s having a stroke. They life flighted my mom to a hospital in Pittsburgh and had to do a hand full or surgeries. I took off work for a few weeks to take care of my dad and my brother and to make sure everything was going to be ok with my mom. She was in a coma for a week or so, but she knew we were there with her. She would grab our hands, and we would talk to her just to let her know that we were with her. My mom was also in a few other hospitals/care facilities and they weren’t close to home. Until we found a care facility in Canonsburg that would take the best care of her! 6 months later, I met someone. He and his daughter took my breath away, they understood what my family and I were going through. His name is Shawn. He and his daughter would go with me to visit from time to time and I would stay with him on occasion but go back home to take care of my dad and brother. In December 2012, mom was life flighted back to Pittsburgh. We then found out on Christmas Day of 2012 that mom had Ovarian Cancer. We stood by each other and helped her get through her chemo, dr. appointments, ect. On February 6, 2013, We celebrated mom’s 50th Birthday in the care facility she was in. We tried to make it special for her. A few days later, mom was rushed back to the hospital in Pittsburgh. Her cancer had spread, and there was nothing the doctors could do to help her. On February 13, 2013 It was early in the afternoon, I sat with mom, held her hand and told her that everything was going to be ok. I promised her I would take care of my dad and brother and do the best that I could to be as awesome as her I kissed her on the forehead, and told her I would see her tomorrow. That night, I was at Shawn’s house, (in which I had moved in about 2 months prior  to that) sitting and talking to him and a few of his friends (I think). I got a phone call from my dad. I sat there, holding Shawn’s hand and as soon as I got the worst news of my life, I bawled like a baby, My best friend, the greatest listener, mentor, a woman who would do anything for anyone, at the age of 50, my mom, had passed away peacefully to be with the angels, our loved ones who we had lost over the years. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to her. Now, mind you, My dad is 51, and held his head up high and I had to be strong for him. We had already done the planning at the beginning of the week, because we didn’t know how much time we had left. So we called them, and told them what dates we wanted and I helped dad pick out the most beautiful casket for mom to be placed in. I had to go through her clothes and pick out something that she would have wanted to be buried in. It was her favorite top in her favorite color (Purple) a pair of her favorite betty boop pj pants (which they told us something comfortable since nobody would see them) and her favorite pair of slippers she always wore around the house. with her betty boop socks. I also picked out some of her favorite jewelry for her to wear. I had stopped working the morning after and told them I would be back after the funeral. 3 exhausting days of seeing people I have known for years and some I have never met, The first night, I went in and saw her with my dad, my brother and Shawn, we cried, and thought they did a beautiful job with her hair (it was starting to fall out from the chemo) and her makeup. She looked so peaceful and beautiful, just like she always was. I made up a picture slideshow and put it on a digital picture frame for everyone to see our journeys growing up as a family and her journeys as a kid until 2012. The day of her funeral, was a cold Monday morning. I had made a CD of songs that my dad and brother had requested to be played at the service. They were all beautiful songs and pertained to family/loved ones lost/ ect. My dad’s sisters passed out teal ribbons (for ovarian cancer) and put them on each of us. I sat and held my dad’s hand as Shawn’s daughter sat on his lap and hugged him. Shawn held my hand ever so tightly. And as we had to say our last goodbyes, I didn’t want to leave. I took a few minutes, kissed her hand and her fore head, and told her I would see her tomorrow. I would go out every other day to visit, sit and talk to my mom taking a flower (or 2) and placing them on her grave. A few days after moms’ funeral, I went back to work.  In march, Shawn asked me to marry him, and to be a family with him and his daughter. I said yes. In May I had quit my job, and stayed home full time to take care of shawn’s daughter because daycare costs are so outrageous. On June 12. 2013, we became husband and wife. In August, we had a party for family and friends at a county park, it was a good time with family and friends. and now, here we are in April of 2014 happy as can be, It's been a year and 2 months since mom's been gone.  Yes, it’s been hard, but I try to keep my mind off things, I hear songs we used to sing, go through pictures, but I know, she’s looking down on me and smiling, Because I’m doing what I had promised her. I help my dad with what he needs. Grocery shopping, bills, organizing, ect. I talk to my brother a few times a week, since he’s engaged to be married now, he doesn’t like his Big sister bugging him lol. But we have all stuck together and got through everything. We are a family and that’s how families should be! <3